Video Dvar Torah:
Parashat
Yayetze: Explanation and Not Coercion
Hashem
says to Yaakov Avinu: "Return to the Land of your forefathers"
(Bereshit 31:3). Yaakov speaks with his
wives, Rachel and Leah, and says: Listen, I have worked for your father with
all of my might but he took advantage of me and changed my wages ten times
(ibid. verse 7). And only then does he
say: Hashem appeared to me in a dream and told me to return to Eretz Yisrael
(ibid. verse 13).
Why
didn't Yaakov Avinu just say that Hashem told him to return, and therefore they
are returning? Why the whole
introduction?
The
Mishnah and Gemara in Ketubot (110b) in fact says that if a husband wants to go
to Eretz Yisrael and his wife does not, she must go, or else he may divorce her
without paying her Ketubah. If the wife
wants to go to Eretz Yisrael and the husband does not, he must go, or else he
must divorce her and pay her the Ketubah.
Why then doesn't Yaakov Avinu simply tell his wives they are making
Aliyah?
The
Shelah Ha-Kadosh (Shenei Luchot Ha-Brit on the Parashah) explains that Yaakov
Avinu did not want to give his wives orders and commands, even if they were
Divine orders. After all, they were
going to have to leave their father, their birthplace and their house. This is not always easy. He therefore did not want to coerce
them. He preferred to explain.
We
learn from here that one spouse should not give orders to the other, not a
husband to his wife and not a wife to her husband. Everything should be done in humility, with
explanation and discussion, and not through coercion.
