Shut SMS #209

Ha-Rav answers hundreds of text message questions a day!  Here's a sample:

Woman and Talit

Q: Can a woman wear a Talit?

A: No.  The Shulchan Aruch rules that it is "Yuhara – religious arrogance" (Shulchan Aruch, Orach Chaim 17:2).  And if it is a men's Talit, there is a problem of "Lo Yilbash" - the prohibition against cross-dressing (Targum Yonatan on Devarim 22:5).

Q: But Ha-Rav Moshe Feinstein writes in Shut Igrot Moshe (Orach Chaim 4:49) that although she is not obligated a woman is permitted to fulfill the Mitzvah of Tzitzit, with two conditions: 1. Her intention is not to rebel against Hashem and His Torah, but for the sake of Heaven.  2. The garment is different from a male garment, to avoid the prohibition of "Lo Yilbash".

A: In order for this to be for the sake of Heaven and not "Yuhara", she needs to wear the Talit in private and no one should know.  And it needs to be a Talit specifically for women (It is told that a woman once asked Ha-Rav Yosef Soloveitchik if she could wear a Talit during davening.  He responded to her: "Since this is a major change in traditional practice, we must proceed gradually."  He suggested that she wear a four-cornered garment without Tzitzit for three months and then come back.  She returned after three months and said that this was the most meaningful religious experience of her life.  Ha-Rav Soloveitchik said: "For three months, you have been wearing a garment without any religious or halachic value, it is thus clear that your feeling comes from a source outside of the Mitzvah", and he did not grant her permission to wear a Talit.  Rav Aryeh Frimer and Rav Dov Frimer.  Tradition 32:2).     

 

Women and Tefillin

Q: Can a woman put on Tefillin, as did Michal bat Shaul (Eiruvin 96a.  See Tosafot, Rosh Hashanah 33a d.h. Ha Rebbe)?

A: You are not Michal bat Shaul.  In any event, it is written in the Shulchan Aruch (Orach Chaim 38:1) that if a woman puts on Tefillin, we should protest.  Furthermore, Michal bat Shaul put on Tefillin in private and not in public in a protesting manner.  Besides all of this, there is a problem of "Lo Yilbash" - the prohibition against cross-dressing (Targum Yonatan on Devarim 22:5).  Before we add to our Mitzvot, we must fulfill the obligations we already have.  See Mesilat Yesharim (see also an interesting comment by the Kaf Ha-Chaim [ibid. #9], that based on the Kabbalah, one may not use Michal bat Shaul as a proof, since she had a unique soul!).

Q: I heard that Rashi's daughters put on Tefillin?

A: We have not seen a reliable source for this.  Nonetheless, there is a long way to go before we reach their level.

 

Teacher or Doctor

Q: I have the ability to be a doctor or a teacher.  I am in doubt.  Which is preferable?

A: Teacher.  A teacher is for the soul while a doctor is for the body.

 

Tax Evader as Witness

Q: If someone evades taxes is he invalid as a witness at a wedding?

A: No, since he deceives himself that it is permissible.  See Tosafot to Sanhedrin 25b d.h. Me-Ikra.  But it is in fact theft.  Shut Chatam Sofer, Choshen Mishpat #175.  Shut Yechaveh Daat (4:60, 5:45.  Shut Aseh Lecha Rav 1:70.  And see Nefesh Ha-Rav, p. 269).

 

Woman Delivering Dvar Torah in Shul

Q: Is it permissible for a woman to deliver a Dvar Torah during Davening?

A: Certainly not.  1. It is forbidden for men to gaze at a woman (Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 152:8-9).  2. It is forbidden to change the accepted order of prayer (Shut Ha-Rashba 1:323.  See Orach Mishpat #35.  And Ha-Rav Moshe Feinstein forbids it even not during Davening.  Shut Igrot Moshe, Orach Chaim 5:12.  And Professor Nechama Leibovitz strongly refused to deliver a talk in a Shul).

 

Teaching a Daughter a Profession

Q: Is a father obligated to ensure his daughter learn a profession?

A: Even regarding a son there is no obligation, since it is not brought in the Rambam and Shulchan Aruch, rather it is a proper and important directive.  And the same applies to a daughter.

 

Kiddush by a Woman

Q: Can a woman recite Kiddush for her husband?

A: Yes.  If he is sick and unable to recite it himself (Mishnah Berurah 271:3).

Q: And if there are other men there?

A: Certainly not.  1. It is forbidden to gaze at a woman.  2.  It is forbidden to hear a woman sing.  3. It is forbidden to change the accepted order of prayer (see Mishnah Berurah ibid. #4.  Ha-Rav Yaakov Ariel also forbids this and adds that doing so is in inappropriate form of social protest.  Yeshivat Beit El website).

 

Kashrut of Toothpaste

Q: Does toothpaste require Kosher certification?

A: No. 1. If there is something not Kosher in it, the taste is spoiled and is within a mixture.  Shut Har Tzvi Yoreh Deah #95.  2. It is not eating, but rather tasting.  3. This is not the manner of eating (It is related that Ha-Rav Yosef Soloveitchik was once asked if toothpaste requires Kosher certification for Pesach.  He responded: No, it is inedible even to a dog.  The person said: But I gave it to my dog and he ate it!  Rav Soloveitchik said: Who are you going to believe, me or your dog?).

 

Conversion in our Day

[Be-Ahavah U-Be-Emunah – Naso 5773 – translated by R. Blumberg]

 

Question: In our country, there are 300,000 immigrants who are non-Jews. It isn’t clear who was responsible for this bizarre phenomenon, but it’s a fact that we cannot ignore.  99% of them are uninterested in Mitzvah observance, so perhaps we must enact a mass conversion of whoever is interested in converting, rendering them part of the Jewish People, without Torah and Mitzvot, and make do with that.

Answer: Conversion in our generation is like conversion throughout the generations, for the Torah has not changed. Quite the contrary, according to the Torah, we have to be more careful about accepting converts in our generation than in previous generations, since the situation in our country is good, thank G-d. Hence we have to consider the possibility that whoever sets out to convert is not doing so out of love of the Torah of Israel, but for his own benefit. As Rambam said: “The correct way of effecting conversion, is that when a prospective convert approaches us, we investigate whether that candidate is seeking conversion for monetary benefits, power or even out of fear. And we also investigate whether or not that candidate has set his eyes on a Jewish person of the opposite sex… The  Rabbinical courts rejected converts throughout the entire time of King David and King Shlomo. During the time of the former, converts were rejected lest they were coming out of fear, and during the latter they were rejected lest they were attracted by the great monarchy and bounty that Israel enjoyed. Whoever applies for conversion out of ulterior motives is not considered a righteous convert” (Hilchot Isurei Bi'ah 13:14-15).

Indeed, in our own times, whoever sets out to convert is suspected of being insincere, making us wonder, “Why are you coming now? Why didn’t you come during the Crusades, during the Chelminski pogroms or during the Holocaust, but only to a fine, wealthy country?!” (see Shulchan Aruch Yoreh Deah 268:2). It may very well be that the candidate is sincere, but he certainly should have to prove it.

There are discussions within Jewish law about whether or not Mitzvot have to be performed with sincere intent (Orach Chaim 60), but with conversion it’s different. It’s not enough to proclaim, “Your people are my people”. Rather, the candidate must say, “Your people are my people and your G-d is my G-d,” as Rut did (Rut 1:16). Otherwise, the candidate is referring to a different Jewish People, one that has no G-d that revealed Himself to them at Sinai and gave them Torah and Mitzvot. He is then not a “righteous convert” [Ger Tzedek], to use Rambam’s term. He’s got the wrong address. He has converted to a different Jewish People. Thus, changing the definition of a convert is tantamount to changing the definition of the Jewish People.

How then did Hillel the Elder accept the candidate who said to him, “Convert me with the intent of making me the High Priest” (Shabbat 31a). How could that be? Surely that candidate was seeking power and privilege! Rather, the Tosafot explain that Hillel knew that that convert was on his way towards being a total convert (Yevamot 109b, s.v., “Ra’a”).  It was clear to Hillel that his insincerity would develop into sincerity.

In our day as well, if a court is convinced and certain that the conversion candidate will ultimately be G-d fearing, the Rabbinic court justice can accept him on his own discretion (Beit Yosef 61, Yoreh Deah 268).

Nonetheless, in our day the reality is the opposite. In many cases, when someone sets out to convert, the court is convinced that he is not going to keep Torah and Mitzvot.

Moreover, if people seek to convert under such circumstances, we have to wait and see what is going to happen. As Rambam wrote: “And despite that [suspicion we harbor regarding the attractiveness of King David’s era], many converts still converted during the days of Kings David and Shlomo before laymen’s courts, and the Sanhedrin suspected them. All the same, since they had immersed in the ritual bath they wouldn’t reject them, but they would not accept them until they saw what became of them.” (Hilchot Isurei Biah 13:15)

Likewise, Ha-Gaon Ha-Rav Avraham Shapira explained that it does not suffice for the convert to say that he accepts the yoke of Mitzvot. Rather, as long as it is not yet clear to us that he truly intends to keep Torah and Mitzvot fully, he is a “Safek Ger” [a convert of doubtful status] (Menachem Avraham 1, pp. 69-70. And if there is a clear assessment that he has not undertaken the yoke of Mitzvot, then there is no value to his declaration, and his conversion does not take hold (Shut Achiezer 3:26, at the start of paragraph 3. Shut Da’at Cohian 153, d.h. vatimhenu me’od).

Some argue that it says, “Love the convert” (Devarim 10:19). Certainly he must be loved, brought near and accepted graciously. Yet that does not mean that we should lie in the name of the Torah. Imagine someone telling his physician, “Please treat me nicely. Love me. Make no demands of me. Go lightly with me. Let your doctoring be friendly and indulgent.” If a physician conducted himself that way, against what he was taught, he would be expelled from the medical profession.

It is true that the first Sephardic Chief Rabbi of the State of Israel, Ha-Gaon Ha-Rav Ben Tzion Uziel wrote that in a great emergency, one can accept converts even if it is clear that they will not keep Torah and Mitzvoth (Piskei Uziel Bi-She’elot Hazman 65), and he was certainly a very illustrious rabbi. Yet his was a solitary view, and all the other halachic authorities rejected it (Achiezer ibid., Da’at Kohen, ibid. and 143, Igrot Moshe, Minchat Yitzchak, Shevet Levi, Ha-Gaon Ha-Rav Shlomo Auerbach, Ha-Gaon Ha-Rav Elyashiv, et al).

Likewise Ha-Gaon Ha-Rav Shlomo Dichovsky expressed the novel idea that if the candidate declared that he accepts the Mitzvot, his conversion is in force even if his behavior afterwards contradicts this, because we have to accept the idea that at the very moment he made the declaration, there was a spark within him of intent to keep Torah and Mitzvot. Yet that, as well, is a solitary view, with which the other halachic authorities do not agree.

It is true that sometimes in an emergency we rely on solitary views, but here it’s the opposite. A convert has to be accepted as a Jew according to most opinions, even according to all opinions. Consider the following: Suppose I came to you suggesting that you marry a wonderful girl, but the chance that she was Jewish was only one percent? Would you agree to marry her? Even if there was a one percent chance that she was not Jewish, you would not agree.

Therefore, we don’t do mass conversions, but only individual conversions, based on investigating each candidate about whether or not he/she wishes to join the fold. True, the history books note that there were cases of mass conversions, but it is not certain whether this involved pristine, genuine conversion, or adoption of a few Jewish customs. Moreover, it is not made clear what came of that afterwards. Likewise, there is no support for any of this in our Talmudic or halachic literature. What is clear is that from a scientific perspective, the DNA of Jews from all ethnic groups is almost identical, which points to a low percentage of conversions.

The rule of thumb is this: If a non-Jew converts and does not undertake to keep Mitzvot, his conversion is no conversion (Da’at Kohen 148, Minchat Yitzchak 6:107, et al).

Moreover, even imagining that such a conversion would be considered valid, what benefit would we be bringing to that person who is not going to be keeping Mitzvot? We are no missionaries, and we do not say that the World-to-Come is only for Jews. That non- Jew, prior to his conversion, is one of the righteous gentiles who has a heavenly portion.

Now we are transforming him into a Jewish sinner who has no share in the World-to-Come! (Igrot Moshe, Yoreh Deah 157. Minchat Shlomo 35:3).

If so, you ask, what is the solution? There is no solution! It is an unsolvable problem!

After all, we have other serious, unsolvable problems in our national lives: the proliferation of our enemies from without and from within; large portions of our people being estranged from the Torah; educational and legal systems that do not conform with Jewish law; most of the Jewish People living in the Exile facing terrible spiritual dangers. And all this without mentioning the unsolvable problem of the Exile, which weighed heavily on us for two thousand years, and even so, it didn’t break us, and didn’t force us to abandon our religion.

Rather, we believed that this suffering would meet its end, and now our hope is being fulfilled.

In just the same way, the problem of large numbers of non-Jews in Israel will be solved. How? We don’t know. Perhaps it will happen the way our sages envision it, or perhaps in some other way: “In the future, idolaters will come and convert. Will we accept them? Surely we learned, ‘We don’t accept converts in the Messianic era,’ just as we did not accept them in the times of David or of Shlomo. Rather, they will become self-made converts, i.e., ‘they will push their way in, even though they are not accepted’ (Rashi on Avoda Zara 22a), and they will put Tefillin on their heads and their arms, Tzitzit on their garments and Mezuzot on their doorposts.

“When those converts see the War of Gog and Magog, they will ask Gog and Magog, ‘Why have you come?’ and the answer will be, ‘To attack G-d and His anointed,’ as it says, ‘Why are the nations in an uproar? Why do the peoples mutter in vain?’ (Tehillim 2:1). Every one of those converts will then pull off his Tefillin and leave, as it says, ‘Let us break their bands’ (v. 3), and G-d sits and laughs: ‘He who sits in heaven laughs.’” (Avoda Zara 3b)

Let us strengthen ourselves in the pathway of Torah. Let us not change or alter our Nation. Your people are my people and your G-d is my G-d.

 

Beha'alotecha: On the Way

[Tal Chermon]

 

The Book of Bemidbar is the book of transitions - the “on the way” book. As the People of Israel journey to the Promised Land, they encounter many dangers and must undergo many tests. In the first Parshiyot of Bemidbar, the Torah teaches us how they prepare for their journey: Each tribe is arranged in military fashion in its own specified area. In the heart of the encampment stands the Mishkan, where the Divine Presence rests. The question of those who, for one reason or another, are physically or spiritually estranged from the Camp (the physically impure, the thief, the Sotah, the Nazir) is dealt with in Parashat Naso. The Birkat Cohanim is received, the Mishkan is dedicated, and we arrive at Parashat Beha’alotcha.

We begin with man’s physical and spiritual work in this world as represented in the spiritual world of the Mishkan: Lighting the Menorah symbolizes enlightenment. The light kindled in the Mishkan brings a blessing to all cultural achievements world-wide. The Lechem Ha-Panim, on the other hand, symbolizes man’s economic achievements. “To become wise - go south, for the Menorah stands in the southern area of the Mishkan. To become rich - go north, for the Shulchan Lechem Panim is in the North” (Baba Batra 25b).

Care of the Mishkan and its utensils is entrusted to the Levi’im. This week’s Parashah teach us more about their work. It then goes on to the unique sacrifice brought by each Jew - the Korban Pesach.

The Nation is now ready to travel, led by the Pillar of Cloud in the daytime and the Pillar of Fire at night. Yitro, Moshe’s Midianite father-in-law, is invited to become a part of the Jewish People and to embark on the journey together with the whole Nation.

“A book of its own” is how our Sages designate the two short verses separating the above preparations from the onset of the actual journey. “And it came to pass, when the Aron set forth” (Bemidbar10:35-36): This Parashah teaches that the Divine Presence accompanies us “on the way.” The Aron contains the Torah through which the Master of the Universe reveals Himself to us, as the Gemara tells, “I gave myself in the written words” (Shabbat 105a). It is as if G-d Himself were in the Torah. The Aron containing the Torah accompanies us everywhere, whether we succeed or fail: “He who dwells in their midst in all their impurity”- “Even when they are impure, the Divine Presence remains in their midst” (Yoma 56b). This short passage is framed on both sides by an upside-down letter “Nun”. Nun is the letter of “Nefilah” - of falling and failing, and for that reason was left out of the “Ashrei” (Shabbat 116. Berachot 4b). Nevertheless, the Master of the World does not desert us. He is with us in our exile (Megilla 29a). |This concept deserves a ‘book of its own.’

No sooner do we start out on the way than troubles begin. First, “and the People were as if complaining; it displeased Hashem” (Bemidbar.11:1). Then they “desired a desire” (ibid. 4), followed by the Lashon Hara against Moshe, the sins of the spies, Korach, and so on - all internal crises. These are followed by enemies from without - Edom, Sichon, Balak and Bil’am. The way is fraught with danger and time after time we fall.

After the Six Day War, a conference of Muslim academics was held in the El-Azhar University near Cairo on the theological implications of the State of Israel. They agreed unanimously that the State must be wiped out. As to its Jewish population, there were two opinions. One was that they could be permitted to remain if they were faithful to the Palestinian State. The other held that they were incorrigible and must be totally eradicated. One professor wrote an article in which he attempted to prove the intrinsic corruption of the Jewish Nation as reflected in the ‘Old Testament’ itself, by the sins we committed in the desert.

There is no attempt here to hide our imperfections. However, mistakes are an inherently human characteristic. “There is no one so righteous on earth who does only good and never sins.” We stumbled, got up, and resumed our work. “Seven times does a righteous man fall, and he rises” (Kohelet 24:16). Through these failures, we learn to correct and perfect ourselves.

There are things that can only be comprehended through trial and failure. The trial of “Kivrot HaTa’ava” (the graves of desire) teaches us how to relate to materialism. Through the crisis with Miriam and Aharon we come to understand the vast difference between Moshe Rabbenu and all other prophets. Of course, it is unnecessary to fail purposely, there are sufficient opportunities without that. When we do fail, however, we must use that experience as a springboard for spiritual elevation. “No person can really comprehend the Torah’s teachings unless he has failed first” (Gittin 43a). Failure can actually help us reach perfection.

 

Shut SMS #208

Ha-Rav answers hundreds of text message questions a day!  Here's a sample:

Gemara Learning in Korea

Q: In South Korea, there is much interest in learning Gemara.  Is this worthwhile?

A: Certainly not.  It is forbidden to teach Torah to non-Jews and it is forbidden for a non-Jew to learn Torah.  The Torah is betrothed to us and not to them.  One does not learn Gemara for an intellectual experience – which is their interest – but out of Yirat Shamayim – fear of Heaven (Chagigah 13a).  

 

Reform and Conservative Conversions

Q: Are Reform and Conservative conversions valid?

A: Certainly not.  An essential element of the conversion is accepting the yoke of the Mitzvot, and this is lacking.  Shut Achiezer 3:26.  Shut Igrot Moshe, Yoreh Deah 2:128, Even Ha-Ezer 3:3.  Shut Shevet Ha-Levi 10:224.  Shut Mishneh Halachot 12:193.

 

Matrilineal Descent

Q: Where is it written in the Torah that Judaism follows matrilineal descent?

A: Devarim 7:3-4.  Kiddushin 68b.

Q: I heard that some say that it was a later decree?

A: Nonsense.  It is explicitly mentioned in Ezra 7:3-4, and he did not invent it.

 

Staring at Women

Q: Is it forbidden for men to stare at women, or do women also have to be careful that men not stare at them?

A: Both.  "A woman needs to be modest and careful that men not stare at her, aside from her husband".  Rabbenu Yonah, Igeret Ha-Teshuvah 159.

 

Coca Cola

Q: Is Coca Cola Kosher in all countries?

A: Not necessarily.  There are many ingredients.  It requires certification (See the amazing Teshuvah regarding the Kashrut of Coca Cola in Shut Karnei Ha-Hod, end of Volume 2, of Ha-Rav Tuvia Gefen, who served as Rabbi in Atlanta, where Coke is produced in America.  He discusses the secret ingredient in Coke).

Q: Is it true that Coca Cola is unhealthy?

A: This is a medical question.  All soft drinks cause damage on account of the sugar.  And some claim that Coke causes damage on account of the phosphoric acid which causes continuing damage to one's kidneys.

 

Bill with Tchernichovski

Q: Is it appropriate for the State of Israel to put out a bill with the face of the poet Shaul Tchernichovski, who was married to a non-Jew?

A: It is not appropriate.

 

Tzedakah to a Criminal

Q: A person evaded taxes and is now having a trial which could end up in jail-time.  Is it possible to give him Tzedakah for an expensive attorney who could save him?

A: This has nothing to do with Tzedakah.  But it is a kindness.  Kindness is according to the need and ability.  But it seems that there are other persons who are more in need of a kindness (Ha-Rav Shlomo Zalman Auerbach was once asked regarding a Jew who stole a significant amount of money and was serving a jail sentence in America.  Is it proper to collect large sums of money to help free him because of the Mitzvah of Pidyon Shevuyim – Redeeming Captives?  Ha-Rav Shlomo Zalman said: "Pidyom Shevuyim?!  What does this have to do with Pidyon Shevuyim?  Pidyom Shevuyim is when non-Jews kidnap a Jew for no reason, and put him in jail.  According to my understanding, they don't kidnap Jews in America in order to extort money.  After all, the Torah says 'Do not steal', and he stole.  On the contrary, it is good for him to sit in jail a little and learn that it is forbidden to steal."  Ha-Rav Shlomo Zalman added that if they wanted to collect money for his wife and children, however, it would obviously be a Mitzvah.  Ve-alehu Lo Yibol Volume 2, pp. 113-114). 

Who Should be Part of the Body that Selects the Chief Rabbi?

[Be-Ahavah U-Be-Emunah – Bemidbar 5773 – translated by R. Blumberg]

 

When Maran Ha-Rav Avraham Yitzchak Kook founded the Chief Rabbinate almost everyone – religious and secular - was in favor. Even the secular understood that having a country includes having religion, and that it was important for there to be a Chief Rabbi for both internal and external purposes. There were only a handful of religious Jews who did not want there to be a Chief Rabbi. People quote Ha-Rav Chaim Zonnenfeld, the head of the opposition, as having said, “At first he will be a traditional Orthodox Rabbi, then he will be a Rabbi-Doctor, and after that he will be a reform Rabbi.” It was this he feared, and indeed, Rav Kook and the rest of the Rabbis feared this too.

It all depends on who picks the Chief Rabbi.

The Rabbis said that the ones who would chose the Chief Rabbi should, themselves, be Rabbis. The secular public refused, however, and said that the decision should be a public one. Ostensibly the Rabbis were right. I have pointed out with regards to Bezalel, the architect of the Mishkan, the Desert Tabernacle, that holiness takes precedence over wisdom, and wisdom takes precedence over the public’s opinion. Yet the secular said that throughout the generations it was the community that chose the Rabbi, and that was what should happen now as well. The Rabbis responded that there can be no comparison. At one time, the public had all been G-d-fearing, whereas now, in Eretz Yisrael, there was nothing like that. Why were they choosing a Rabbi? What did they need a Rabbi for? As stated at the start, the Mara De-Atra, Rabbinic head of the community, is the one we trust and whose word we obey, yet the secular have no intention of obeying him anyway. If so, why should they have a say in deciding? As stated, they were in favor of having a Chief Rabbi, but not in order to obey him, but to meet political needs.

In the end, a committee was set up, with the British, the Rabbis and the Jewish People equally represented. That committee in turn decided that the make-up of the voting body should be two-thirds Rabbis and one third representatives of the communities. Two-thirds of Rabbis makes a majority, and some of the communal representatives were G-d-fearing people as well. With this decision, all doubts that could have arisen were quashed, and the Rabbis prevailed.

It should further be stressed that secular individuals who choose a Chief Rabbi do not want him in order to heed his halachic rulings. They want a Chief Rabbi who will heed what they say. We can understand this desire, but that is not what a Rabbi does. That is what Ha-Rav Yosef Dov Soloveitchik called “the new idolatry, idolatry to public opinion” (Divrei Ha-Rav, p. 52). In that system, public opinion determines what you must think and what you must do. You are enslaved to public opinion.

Yet, as Socrates said, public opinion can be wrong. There is no need to have learned in yeshiva to understand this. You need intelligence, just as Socrates had.  What he said, however, did not curry favor with public opinion, and he therefore was sentenced to death. He was given three options: exile, silence or execution. He said, “If I am unable to say what I think, or if I go into exile and can no longer have an influence, my life is no life.” He drank poison, continued speaking, fell asleep and died. His point was: public opinion should not be the deciding factor in moral/philosophical matters.

It is certainly forbidden for public opinion to take precedence in the selection of a Chief Rabbi. It is a tertiary factor that should come only after the primary factor, which is holiness, and the secondary factor, which is wisdom, as Rav Kook explained (Ein Aya, Berachot, Chapter 9, Letter 28).

Indeed, first and foremost comes holiness. Ha-Gaon Ha-Rav Avraham Shapira, ztz"l, related that one time there was uncertainty over who should be the Chief Rabbi - Rav Herzog or Rav Charlap. In the end, Rav Herzog was chosen. Rav Shapira said, “It was a shame, because Rav Charlop was on a supreme level of holiness.” He immediately added, “Rav Herzog was holy too, but Rav Charlop was more so.” Rav Shapira grieved over what occurred.  We look back nostalgically to a time when the choice was between Rav Herzog and Rav Charlop. In the end, because Rav Herzog had been the Chief Rabbi of Ireland and was more accustomed to the Rabbinate, he was chosen. That is the sort of selection process that there needs to be.

First you need a holy man.

Naso: A Happy Marriage

[Tal Chermon]

Parashat Naso teaches us that we must do everything possible to ensure good marital relations - even to the point of actually “blotting out” G-d’s name. One reason for this may be that the Torah places marital relations within the context of loving one’s fellow man. This Mitzvah is not only a lofty ideal to be carried out in principle, it is also an obligation to treat those around us with love every day. “Love of Klal Israel” begins with a general love of Judaism and Jews, but must also be expressed in simple acts of love for real people.

This is obviously a difficult task. It is not easy to rise to the level of those great Tzadikkim who loved every member of Am Israel with all their hearts and souls. Where does one start? At the very least, we should love one member of Am Israel with all our heart. And who should that on person be? Our husband or wife. The Gemarra teaches us that the main criterion for choosing a mate should be whether we feel we can love him or her "as yourself” (Kiddushin 41a).

Once you succeed in truly loving one other person on a day-to-day basis, you have built yourself the foundation for establishing a loving relationship with everyone else. “Love your neighbor” reaches its peak when you really love your mate, despite the inevitable tensions that arise in every marriage. It’s quite easy to love a Jew living in Japan without making any compromises; loving someone you have to live with is much more difficult. There are differences of opinion, and accidental - or purposeful - slights. One gets upset or angry at the other. This may even be what the Torah means by prohibiting hatred “in our hearts.” “Hate” need not be an emotion so extreme that it leads to murder or violence; it may also be simply bearing a grudge.

But it is not only the most extreme hatred that is forbidden: even a tiny crumb cannot be tolerated - just as a tiny portion of ham is just as unkosher as a large plateful. If one mate bears a grudge against the other on account of some unkind words or action, it is considered “hatred”. The Torah teaches us that in such a case one must either speak softly but firmly and ask the other why he did such a thing, or alternatively, completely forgive and forget the incident. It is absolutely forbidden to bear a grudge (Rambam, Hilchot De’ot 6:6).

Such incidents may happen every day, but it is not practical to discuss each and every one of them. If we did, it might vey well be even more harmful than the little hurts which provoked the discussions. As Shakespeare put it, it causes a “tempest in a teapot.” A more practical solution is to agree to simply erase such minor infractions from one’s mind.

Man suffers enough from society around him. We all live within a social context from which we both benefit and suffer. Some people are so sensitive that they suffer immensely. And some people are themselves to blame for the insults they suffer, because of their own failings. In any case, by the end of the day, we are all weary from the wear and tear of our social interactions. We need a sanctuary where we are accepted unconditionally, without having to answer for our failings or to make up for them. This is not, of course, the be-all and end-all of the institution of marriage, but it is one of its important components. A mate who accepts you and loves you as you are, instead of throwing all the books at you, provides an immeasurable amount of strength and support.

This is not to say that one should completely ignore all the other’s failings or confuse good with evil. Amends must certainly be made. But this only comes after the establishment of unconditional love, based on the secret of mutual “blotting out.” Only after that, can we begin to correct the wrongs.

Why should you be dissatisfied with your mate, or bear him a grudge? Are you yourself perfect? Isn’t it better to ‘make a deal’ that you will both ‘forgive and forget?’ Our sages declared: “He who forgives others has all his own sins forgiven.” If you forgive your friends even when they don’t deserve it, you will be treated the same way by the Heavenly Tribunal.

It is well known that Yom Kippur does not atone for sins committed against one’s fellow man, unless that person has agreed to forgive (see end of Mishna Yoma). This is the message of the Tefilla Zaka said before Kol Nidrei. Of course, there is no need to wait until Yom Kippur. The Ari Ha-Kadosh composed a prayer to be recited every night before retiring: “I forgive every person who has sinned against me, whether accidentally or on purpose....” There were other rabbis, including Rav Kook, who even added, “I forgive those who will sin against me in the future.”

 This is the kind of relationship one should have with his spouse - complete readiness to forgive and forget, even in advance. Such an attitude promotes consideration, friendship, and happiness.

There is a famous story about the Ba’al Shem Tov and his disciples: They once asked him whom to emulate in preparation for the High Holidays. He suggested observing one particular man’s behavior, and they saw an amazing scene: The man stood before his fireside holding two notebooks and said, “King of the World! In this notebook I have written down all the sins I have committed. Unfortunately, they are very numerous. I confess. In the second notebook I have written down all my sufferings - and You, King of the World, allowed them. I “forgive” You for all the troubles You caused me, and I ask You to please forgive me for all my sins. See, I am throwing both notebooks into the fire.”

Husband and wife must also learn to throw both notebooks into the fire. Sometimes we may think: Fine, I can forgive all the hurts I suffered myself, but not the sins committed against Heaven. They are what make me angry. To this we must reply: Don’t worry about God, and don’t hate your husband or wife in His Name! In Parashat Naso, we learn that God commands that His Ineffable Name be blotted out in the bitter waters in order to make peace between husband and wife. No human is completely free of violence, be it verbal or physical; this is one of the most difficult tendencies to overcome. It may sometimes appear disguised as righteousness, or in the guise of admonishments and lectures on morality (see Rav Kook, “Midot Re’eya, on Tochacha), or even in a mildly antagonistic silence. Difficult as it may be to completely overcome this tendency, we should at least try to leave G-d out of it. “God is good to all, and His Mercy extends to all of His creatures” (Tehillim 145:9). He is willing for His Name to be blotted out in order to restore marital bliss.

                     
We always advise young couples: First of all, learn to live together, only afterwards, try to attain Kedusha (a high spiritual level). Simple natural married love takes priority. A couple who aspires to build a life of holiness which is not based on simple honest love will end up with a dishonest relationship. The first step is to stop all mutual “point giving,” and throw all the lists in the fire, even if they involve matters of Heaven. There is no better way to express this philosophy – that complete, mutual, unlimited forgiveness, even regarding religious observance, must form the basis for marital harmony - than in our sages’ concise comment on our Parashah: “The Ineffable Name is blotted out for the sake of making peace between a husband and wife.”

Shut SMS #207

Learning on the Night of Shavuot

Q: Is there an obligation to learn the entire night of Shavuot?

A: No.  But it is a proper custom.  Someone who is unable should try to learn until midnight (Magen Avraham, Orach Chaim 494).

Q: Which is preferable – learning all night and falling asleep during Shacharit or going to sleep?

A: Going to sleep.  Davening Shacharit without falling asleep is a basic halachah, and learning all night is a worthwhile addition. 

Q: Which is preferable – learning during the night, or learning during the day, if I will learn more during the day?

A: During the day, since learning more Torah is a basic halachah, and learning Torah all night on Shavuot is a worthwhile addition (This is unlike the ruling of Ha-Rav Chaim Kanvieski that the custom is to learn all night, and it is preferable to learn during the night even if one learns less than he would have during the day.  Piskei Shemuot, pp. 81-82.  Although Ha-Rav Yitzchak Zev Soloveitchik, the Brisker Rav, was surprised that people are so particular to stay awake the entire night of Shavuot, which is a custom, while on Pesach night, where there is a law to discuss the Exodus from Egypt until one is overcome by sleep, people are not so careful.  And in the city of Brisk, people were not careful to follow the custom of staying awake the entire night of Shavuot, since why is this night different from all other night?  And also, learning on Shavuot night is not more important than learning during the day. Uvdot Ve-Hanhagot Le-Beit Brisk vol. 2, p. 79).

Q: I heard that it is forbidden to engage in idle chatter on the night of Shavuot?

A: It is not a prohibition, but it is proper, and one should try as much as possible to refrain (Kaf Ha-Chaim 494:11).

Q: Is one obligated to learn the Tikun Leil Shavuot?

A: No.  A person should learn Torah in a subject that his heart desires (Avodah Zarah 19a.  And Ha-Rav Chaim Kanievski said that there are different customs, each of which is acceptable.  Piskei Shemuot, p. 81).

Q: If one's father says the Tikun, should his son also say the Tikun, or is it permissible to learn Gemara?

A: It is a personal decision (Ha-Rav Yosef Shalom Elyashiv said: "It is better for him to learn Massechet Baba Metzia, Perek Ha-Socher Et Ha-Po'alim [One who hires workers], and even if his father says the Tikun."  And Ha-Rav Chaim Kanievski said: "If his father says the Tikun, he should also say the Tikun".  Yadoon Moshe vol. 9 #59).

Q: Do women also need to learn all night?

A: They are not obligated, but it is certainly a good thing.

 

Milchigs

Q: Is there an obligation to eat Milchigs on Shavuot?

A: It is the Custom.  Yemenite Jews do not do so (Shulchan Aruch Ha-Mekutzar, p. 72).

Q: Does one have to eat an entire Milchig meal?

A: It is enough to have one dairy food.  And it is then possible to wash out one's mouth, wash one's hands and clean the table, and have a Fleischig meal (Or Le-Tzion 3:196.  And the Steipler Gaon would only have a Milchig meal at night.  Orchot Rabbenu vol. 1, p. 98).

 

Early Davening on Shavuot

Q: Can one daven Maariv early on Shavuot, or is it a problem because one needs 7 complete weeks of Sefirat Ha-Omer?

A: Ashkenazim – No, Sefardim are lenient (Mishneh Berurah 414:1.  Shut Yechaveh Daat 6:30).